Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Husband's Greatest Hits 2008

It's gonna be a fruitful year, friends.

Saturday March 2, 2008
"I bet you I'm the best Wii tennis player in all of Bothell, Washington."

Thursday, February 14, 2008
"They design watches that are very Unitarian."

Friday, January 18, 2008
"What's with all the sexual indowindow?"

Saturday, January 12, 2008
"I've got mad nincomchuck skills."

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Dream Theme

The past few nights, the main characters in my dreams have been real people who are known to possess, shall we say, a distinct distaste for me. These dreams revolve around me trying to win their attention/affection (to no avail) and I invariably wake up feeling gross. You know, that extra weight right in the middle of your chest?

To these folks, this grossness, these dreams, I say:
Hate on, haters - just let a fat lady sleep in peace.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Rory Gilmore Sex Boat

Welcome to Rory Gilmore Sex Boat!

The unfortunate title of this blog was stolen from an episode of the Gilmore Girls entitled "The UnGraduate." If you've arrived at my blog after following Paris Geller's advice, we may very well be soul mates. Make sure to leave message.

As I child, I always tried to keep a diary or journal, but usually gave up after one or two entries into the project, upon realizing that I was not writing for myself, but for other people. Let me be clear: I'm writing this blog to be read. I won't pretend that I'm using this space as my private confessional...I'm using it as a public venue to poke fun at my life and all of the lucky people in it.

To ensure that we don't get off on the wrong foot, let me list some essential information that may or may not impact your decision to read this blog:

  • I embrace my inner ee cummings. That is to say that I generally oppose capitalization. Since we're just getting to know each, I am putting my best foot forward, but be warned that I have two very lazy pinkies, and the shift key will be woefully ignored for most of my time here.

  • I over-use commas, ellipses and em dashes. I am fond of each of these little characters and will not make an effort to police myself...dig?

  • I decided to post my own blog after blogstalking this lady at "Through These Brown Eyes." I spent two work days reading the entirety of her blog instead of honestly earning my pay. Creepy, yes, but I make no apologies. Like my inner ee, I also embrace my inner stalker.

  • My mind goes too fast for my fingers. While in school, I would often leave out entire words in my first drafts. I tell you this in case an inflammatory remark appears on these pages -- be assured that, "today is the day that I will strangle my co-worker while she sleeps at her desk," was most likely intended to read, "today is the day that I will not strangle my co-worker while she sleeps at her desk." Most likely.
Now, about me:

I am nearly 30, living in the Seattle metro area with my husband (Husband) and our two dogs (Nancy and Drew). We have many fun adventures sitting on our couch watching prime time television. Also, I am fond of sarcasm.

My American Studies degree got me a job in bookkeeping, etc. Inexplicable, yes, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth? I have an office full of insane co-workers, including an entire family of sisters (The Kayes) and their offspring (The 2-Kayes), a senile director with a PhD in mumbling, and one true ally, my 62 year old work-bestie whom I shall call Justice. She'd appreciate that if she knew about his blog.

My immediate family lives in a far away state. While distance makes the heart grow fonder, the 7 days I'll spend at home this holiday season will last me for a good year and a half. In any case, there's Mama, Pops, Brother1, Brother2, and Seestar. I love and miss them all, but even moreso from across the country.

Husband's immediate family, on the other hand, never ventured very far away from each other. Silly, his sister, lives in the same city as we do. His mother (Milly) and her *much older* husband (Mo) and his father (Filly) and meddling wife (Ugh) reside about four hours east of the city. Joy of joys. There's much drama in that branch of our family tree--I'm sure you'll hear more about them all.

Like many people with similarly inflated egos, I often think these people were put on earth to annoy me. Husband loves them though, so I'll keep the incomplete gun permit application in my desk until I absolutely, positively need to use it. You understand.

That's all for now, as my Outlook box tells me I've neglected my work enough for one day. I'll be back when something interesting happens!